Home: LIFE COACHING WRITING ‘” Hero’s Journey ‘” self-improvement courses
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***** “(I thought) this program would be helpful. I was wrong. It wasn’t helpful. It changed my life. It SAVED my life.” ‘”LaVeda Mason, writer
And it’s been my experience that when I run into one of those 1%? They know exactly what I’m talking about, why I take the attitude I do, and are not offended in the slightest. Any emotional reaction? They aren’t in the 1%
As mentioned by others, N. is disturbed about the increasing instability of his wife. Concerned that she may attempt suicide, it seemed best to place him in a resourceful state where he cannot allow her to guilt-trip him, but still is fully invested in being the best husband (and primarily, PERSON) possible.
I asked N. what his wife’s “love language” was, and he couldn’t allow himself to understand the question'”kept speaking of what he had done to try to communicate love to her. Turned that around and asked how she had demonstrated love to him during the ten-year “honeymoon period” following his affair. This was on the theory that people generally communicate in their own language, so that if you grasp how they speak to you, often they are telling you how they need you to speak to them.
This was a little better'”but still not “there.” Also, I helped him see that her anger was fear, and that they had complementary wounds.
3) He knows how to make money. Lots of it. (His philosophy is very very simple, btw: tell the truth, do what you say, deliver it on time)
We evoked a memory of his best sports performance, a perfect day with his grandfather, and a “personal best” business deal. All had something in common'”the sensation of “simplicity.”
So after evoking some of those emotions, and helping him center himself, we worked on anti-stress breathing to retrain his sympathetic responses. He felt in the “eye of the storm” at that point, and we took that same sensation into a Tai Chi push-hands drill, where he learned how to defend himself while remaining balanced, sensitive, and flowing. This tapped into his competitive drive, and I deliberately triggered defensive responses, then helped him relax into centering again and again, to “wire in” the new response.
After we’d finished, he felt hyper-alert and aware, and remembered that he and his wife had vacationed in (South America) during their “honeymoon phase” and she had danced alone for hours and he had not joined her. Saw this as a way of reaching her. He needs to dance with her.
I took all the positive memories and helped him collate and store them emotionally in his heart, created a “guardian” self to protect them AND his inner child, and ended the session.
I think back on yesterday. It was a tough day, but man, I love this work. Working with a team of doctors and therapists, anchoring their work into my client’s lives with breathing, ritual, meditation…whatever it takes.
In the last 24 hours, I’ve dealt with four different students or clients where the core issue is one of self-love. Deservement. The following things were triggers:
1) Childhood abuse, both sexual and psychological. Being touched inappropriately, told they are worthless, used as “things’� rather than people before the full development of ego walls.
2) Perceived betrayal of childhood ambitions. Either giving them up, or doing things to achieve them that were in violation of core values.
3) Abusive adult relationships. “Crazymakers’� who bond to you powerfully economically, emotionally, or sexually. And then…gaslight you. If you don’t know the term, see the movie. Basically these are people who are either emotionally imbalanced or have some drive to unbalance you, keep you from leveraging your intelligence and emotions, with an end to domination. To do this, they either criticize or terrorize you, until you have twisted yourself into a knot to please them, and no longer know where “north’� is on your personal compass. At that point, you are infantalized, willing to do whatever it takes to keep them happy so that you can escape the pain. Brutal.
4) Physical injury or dysfunction. A serious injury or disease, or your body “not working as it is supposed to’�'”inability to perform in some expected fashion. Inability to sustain a pregnancy, sensory or motor issues, chronic pain, sexual non-performance, etc.
5) Making terrible relationship choices. Our relationships are mirrors'”they were the best we believed we could do, at that time. When our partners turn out to be crazies, monsters, abusers, habitual liars, druggies or alcoholics, rage-beasts and gaslighters we fear our own judgement. How could we have..? What does it mean about us..? Will we ever find happiness..? Are we too broken for anyone to really love us..?
For two years now, I’ve worked on a “Morning Ritual’� with Jason. A year ago I decided the results were so impressive that I decided to create one for myself. It was a matter of creating a complete daily practice that touches on every aspect of raising, directing, clarifying and refining our emotional, mental, and physical selves. And it had to be healing and generative'”had to deal with issues you don’t even know that you have. But in addition, it had to be capable of focusing in on a specific problem once you have detected it.
The above problems can be addressed with the “Ancient Child’� technique, your “set up’� behavior done the moment you wake up in the morning. It is a way… Read more…
